bloop(ers)

2009-10-25T02:55:00.003+08:00

im tired. physically tired, mentally drained.
your are on my mind not cause i miss you.
its because of what u did to me.
i ve never hated someone this bad.
i would cry thinking about it but today i broke down.
and yes rohana was the one to hear me out at my lowest point.
i felt pathetic & lost . no correction i feel.
but the thoughts plus emotions that took over me was just way too much.
fuck you . fuck you so very much .
and thank u for picking a date that s so fucking memorable
and it was a great advance birthday gift ive ever had .

but dont worry i havent lost my soul to you.
just that the wounds u left behind would never fade.
i never knew u could be such a jerk. a big one that is.
i dont wanna talk about u anymore. fucker.

one day u'll see me without a ciggie in my hand.
na , i dont know whether that ll happen.

i dont why i ve stop believing in myself.
i think cause im just lost.
time is all i need.
but it ll never wait for me.
wait till i get my shit back together .

till then nights

2009-10-08T00:56:00.002+08:00

shit . shitty. shithead. full of shit.
fuck. fucked up.
cibai cibai cibai.
puki. pukimak.
sial. sialan. sial .

first u accused me of stealing the jewellery
now your money. what the fuck

then u came home causing a fucking mess.
but in the end u were wrong.
eh sial get your fucking facts right eh.
da pai seh muke takya gitu abe takmu bagi taik.

i use my own money to do things that are legal and right
but u are trying to stop me.
saying im wasting my own money ? eh cb pegi mati la.
okay so now what u want me to spend it on fucking booze and stuffs.

actually i dont quite get it
what the hell you want from me.
just as i thought i was doing fine.
oh yah i forget im never right.
all the things i do are never right.

im tryna be optimistic as i can
but with u everyday bringing me down
& rewinding things, its not gonna work
sigh sigh.
people tend to forgive but not forget.
so how ?

i was so angry pissed off that i cried.

okay i wanna rest my brain.

2009-09-27T15:42:00.003+08:00

yesterday i flew high

and i called naqib.

he picked up but couldnt hear me.

why i called him ?

i just wanted to talk to him.

it has been quite sometimes since it all happened.

060809. i know whatever i do i wont gain back whatever that ive lost.

but i wanna make his life hell like what he did to mine.

right now he s having the time of his life. but what about me ?

i wanna make him feel like how i feel.

fucked up and like a piece of shit.

but i know this is not the way.

at least it makes me feel a sense of satisfaction ?

i may sound like an evil woman who have lost her senses .

but fuck care.

after all what he did to me ? fuck it.

he was a jerk & still is one.

i think i have forgiven u, but i definitely wanna forget u.

2009-09-17T04:09:00.001+08:00

"it doesnt take someone to be an albert einstein to come up with a quote, it just need a lil bit of inspiration "

-fish

2009-09-17T02:23:00.003+08:00

at night the truth hits me
but yesterday it hits me real hard that i cried so bad
i ve always wanted to be strong, for myself
but i know just one day i gotta broke down to let out all the feelings.

i always remember what was the date
it was 3 days before my birthday 060809 on a fucking thursday.
& i ve been clean since then
am proud of it but dont think i can do it anymore
if i follow my heart.

i think i ve been doing okay .

hey but dont worry

"i hate you, with a passion that is."

"destroying yourself is already a stupid thing destroying yourself over someone is just dumb. but sometimes you just cant help it"

sweetnights
& im not gonna sleep

2009-09-11T01:21:00.002+08:00

i may be a bad daughter
but i wont stoop so low so as to stealing ur jewellery
& dont ever compare me to her.
eventhough i used to be close to her.

& damn it la i rushed home just now you said wanna go geylang
in the end mciam cb dengan muke taik ckap lambat padahal pukul 8.30
since when geylang close at 8.30 ?
puki tul.
eh kalo tak ikhlas tak payalah
aku tak heran la bole beli sendiri
u say i prioritised my friend but how bout u ?
pot calling the kettle black.
even aba is sick of ur attitude la sia.

just go fuck off & die

bye i need to rest.

2009-09-09T00:43:00.002+08:00

life is sometimes like a cliche
but, dont make yourself like one .

we have brains to think
heart to feel
mouth to express ?

life is a game.
so that makes us the player.
but who s controlling ?

they say dont be shy to ask
if not u will be called to stupid
but doesnt that make urself look lazy if u dont try ?

roses are red
violets are blue.
why the sudden hate ?
ugh just fuck you :D

change of heart
change of minds
life is hard
u cant deny
u touched my heart
& touched my soul
boy where's your heart
your an ass hole

ok this is just random
i write what came to my mind
so shut up.
haha

2009-09-09T00:30:00.002+08:00

"Boyfriends might make you choose between your friends. Bestfriends would never even think about that. So you decide which one’s better."

-Eletheowl

i found this in nisa's blog & its like kinda nice.
so yah . haha.

im almost broke cause have been breaking past outside since saturday.
wah piang must stop it already uh.

oklah i have migraine already. cb
bye .

2009-09-05T02:22:00.003+08:00

my one & only favourite girl :D
the what what face

two of my girls , isya & nana

tau la kau telepon pun nak fierce -,-

i guess they dont know what our friendship is made of huh ?

well they couldnt just take u away from me or the other way round that s one thing for sure .

yes i was sad when she said that, that i broke down cause u meant alot to me.

but maybe she said that out of anger but still its hurts me, alot sia. sigh sigh sigh.

now is the best time that u have ur hp seh na :'(

& isya came to my rescue.

thanks alot :)

you really calmed me down.

yeah like what u said nobody can break us apart kan . hehs.

on a brighter note, i had fun with my girl, na just now.

we went to get her 1st coolshit specs

& melalak session time ( karoke)

belah saje and isabella maut dok kiter duet :D

semangat bawak camera with extra battery but in the end no pictures -,-

haiyak !

but there is some before karoke session .

night me loves.

doesnt mean that i dont express, say or talk about it means im fine.

people confide in me & i console them as if i know everything but when it comes to me, im completely lost myself.

2009-08-04T16:58:00.003+08:00

hehss.

as u can see we are having fun
that is sheena . she is chinese but speak malay like air & she say she is malay stuck in chinese body.

hi hello hey ho ho

counting down to my pre legal age birthday .

5 days time.

haiyak so many expectations.

put that aside.

im so excited ..... damn it... hahahahahahahaha

what u planning for me uh na.

see la i excited already. heeeeheeeheee.

i dont know what my family plan for me either :/

sigh.

im gonna enrol for my bike license on 11 august with sheeeena.

wooo hoooo.

okay must enrol on the 11th cause ten public holiday what.

ni la susah orang birthday public holiday. haha.

2009-07-18T22:45:00.004+08:00

oh man. it sucks not having a camera. jom uh na lets buy a camera next month or the month after that. hahaha. then later my birthday no camere to capture those wonderfoool moments ): sigh ~
oh anyway just now i was so clumsy at work i was squating down to arrange the milk cartons & guess what i suddenly fell quite a distance on my butt and thanks to the dischwasher dooor for saving me if not i fall and lie down terus everyone was laughing at me siaaaaa. tu kalo kene capture kat camera baik sia. hahahaha

and uh uh nana layered my hair just now hu hu ~ feeling best uh although theres not much diff if u look -,- but i like

ok now im so so tired. but my stomach is growling ok i wanna go eat kway teow goreng ((: yummy bye
oh wait i just burp and it smelled like tok hitam saya tak suke sekali

"Always ask yourself, if you’re really happy with where you are right now in life. Just because it’s comfortable, just because it’s safe, doesn’t mean that it’s what you want, or what you deserve. "

2009-07-11T04:12:00.002+08:00

goodmorning to the boys. goodnight to thegirls.

chai chee surivors

2 little girls i miss

2009-07-11T03:46:00.002+08:00

heheheh
i feel very happy today :DD
i just finish eating indomee perisa ayam pedas with EXTRA SAUSE AND SOY SAUCE . SOY UH !
AND JUST NOW WENT LATE NIGHT SHOPPING WITH NANA !
at mustafa centre la mane lagi kan 24 hrs.
i bought 46 dollars worth of goodies.
na bought 20+ dollars worth of goodies.
and everthing comes in pair cause we bought whatever each other bought.
kecoh . kalo live sebumbung lagi kecoh ! but no need to come in pairs . heee ~
cant wwait for that day to come.

eh wait i wanna go berak first.
the indomeee pedas uh but power kedemak punye. tonggeng,

yah supposedly just now supposed to take pictures but na camera died on us even after buying $1.65 energizer battery. sigh ~
da no pics ):

but its okay dont worry happy go lucky.
yay .

just now something embarassing happen.
but it was kinda cute funny embarassing.
ok la lazy to type uh.

eh wait i wanna say something.
ika ! yana ! mane korg . alamak soy uh.
jumpe jumpe otey.
whenever free cause like berzaman never see ut wo ):

k bye i wannna golek golek at katil cause head is like spinning around
anyway its 41 days to ramadhan
no drinky drinky.....
hope so. maybe?
heeeeeeee.

anyway murni tested my patience again by simply asking for my email password so she can take & copy the assignments which i put in effort in research and stuffs to do.
knn .
but i got the brains & gave her another email acc.
cari eh sampai vesak day pun takde.
haha

ok im so evil .
night.
bittersweet dreams of simposons.

2009-07-09T22:51:00.002+08:00

2009-07-09T22:23:00.002+08:00

whats wrong with all the people.
no to be precise , friends .

yesterday went simpang with work buddies =)
all of them ride vespa except for isya of course. x1 r babe.
cool shit like shurRrrrr....
went back home around 2 + and supposed to wake up at 6 but overslept as usual -,-
yeah something kinda ruin my moood yesterday at supper.

seems like im losing my only little sister whom i care & love so much..
juz take care wherever u are
- my one and only brother

i cant seem to figure u out.
i dont know when we re gonna be like those happpy siblings again.
i guess u re damn disappointed huh.
noe what i kept reading that text u send me over & over again.
sigh sigh sigh ~

my mind was suddenly like %&^%**^^!))@# just now when i was reading 'bout something
it all happen almost 3 fucking years ago.
i ve put that away for a long long time
cause i know nothing can be done
and till now i couldnt believe it freaking happen .
but everyone has some skeletons in their closet.
thats the only deepest darkest secret i ll hold close to me
cause it was a fucking big mistake.

i havent had enough sleep for days.
toloonggggggggggggg ! ^
i ve been sleeping thru lectures these past few days.
ok u think im gonna head to bed early today :D

i need something to calm my nerves .

2009-07-08T00:00:00.002+08:00

Your Life

You often have problem in promoting yourself, just because you don`t know how to express your true self. On the other hand, you don`t really care what they think. This is why people misunderstand you until they really get a chance to learn about your pleasant personality. Opposite sex find you mysterious and worth searching. Your wit is remarkable but sometimes you are too fast to follow.

Your Love

You won`t reveal your feeling even after dreaming about the same guy over and over. Your first love lasts forever. You are responsible to the feeling of Your Lover. The chance to betray Your Lover is none. You have luck with children.

Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature. You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous. You are ever sensitive to others needs and feelings, and even if the other numbers in your core makeup dont show it, you are very sympathetic and compassionate. Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations. This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

i like those parts highlighted in red cause its somehow true .
sigh sigh ~

okay i have some really happy stuffs to talk about
i have gotten back 3 out of the 6 papers
and i passed all 3 !
Material Sci - 30.5/40
Plastic materials & Additives 76/100
Polymer Sci 52/100
im s o happy . belly very happy :D

ok now i havent submit my 2 assignments that was due yesterday.
now i gotta do do do.

yesterday i fly high.
real high.
i talked too much crap when i fly high.
lets fly high again .
no maybe when i got back my paper which i know i suck real bad.

2009-07-03T06:30:00.005+08:00

6.30am and still no sleep.
i have to get ready for school in less 1 hour 30 mins . sigh ~
no sleep for 5 days straight . tolong.. very belly sad :((
face with no sleep but still mesti ade senyum ((:
ala i want to upload my face but blogger is being abitch.
maybe the face too busuk -,-

oh no i just remeber i have work straight after school
at the dirty vivo . shit i will die from lack of sleep i think
oh no oh no oh no..........

paranoid in hell... tett tett tettt.

na where u seh :((

bye i need my power nap of 20 mins now.
cb peh test.
cb peh vivo attachement.

oh no if wanna sleep mummy say cannot maki maki.
take back my c*.
nights =D

2009-06-30T02:09:00.003+08:00

abang thanks eh .
orang pikir nak bebual baik baik aleh2 mara orang
thanks suke sekali .
and kalau nak mintak tolong orang pun cakap baik baik uh
pukimak. bagi no. kakak. takde pe no. kakak.
pikir aku orang lua pe kau bebual mciam gitu..
abe tak bole cakap baik2 bila nak suro angkatkan baju
cheebai uh abe tak paya nak tengok orang semacam pe.
tadi pagi aku da nak try buat baik dengan kau
abe kau pe sial, mciam bagi muke sial kau.
ok uh aku tau pada kau aku ni da macam taik
uh ye aku do stupid things, isap rokok abe minum
tak mcm kau kan anak kesayangan , anything goes punye.

uh yelah bilang camne nak survive besok nak kene bayar $10 aku hutang kawan aku
abe lagi 10 tolak ez link.
uh tu lah aku peh bodoh pegi pinjam duit orang,
sial .
aku peh pathetic bende simple kene orang belikan

oh and ya one more thing murni kau prangai mcm cb
bile part kau nak aku tolong kau ,
wah bukan main lagi call pagi2 bebual panjang lebar.
part aku terus takde time
kau peh sial. eh takpe da biasa pun eh
aku pun siapa sia kau nak tolong kan

and just now was the fucking deadline for almost all my assignments
and fucking guess what i didnt hand in a bloody single thing
cause everything was messed up.
ma please nur nak quit sekola uh
sekarang .

u always thought i was ok with school
but im not.
u just noe i dont like the environment thats all
i want to quit schoool . please mama . now.
i dont wanna study for my papers anymore
cause why its fucking plain waste of time

i studied liek shit for just now paper
and i fucking think im gonna fail
waste of time and effort,
so now no need to study and fail better
so have reason to quit.

and na aku really sorry uh
i noe u re angry uh k but like what u say i cannot do anything
except sayign sorry like pathetic kan gitu
aku sorry uh for not being the friend.
bye na dont worry aku wont trouble kau lagi.

2009-06-26T02:06:00.007+08:00

heee.
hello back to u na. hmm ok lets trace back when i first know her.
its like 5 years ago back in secondary school days .
yeah we werent as close as we are back then
but im glad that i have her as my friend. cause she s the best u could ever get
like only she could tolerate my nonsense, know me almost inside out.
be there whenever i need her. heard me broke down. told me not to give up when i almost wanted to.
she s the only one who've heard me at my breaking point, when i almost did the stupidest thing .
i was so lucky she picked up that call , if not i wont be sitting down here typing all these great things about her (=
she would go to the extent of bringing food for me cause she knew i was hungry
the list goes on and one thing
her stubborn ness like oh my god dhoby ghaut sia.
but the weird thing is i ve learn to control my short tempered- ness when im with her ((:
i just realised it sia . kental -,-
we did all those stupid stuffs together but it was fun . hehehe.
the point is i cant imagine not having her as my friend sia. confirm like krit krit. haha.
i cant wait till all these shits are over & be really really happy .
promise that ive got my sparks u ll be the first to ride it & yeah u'll get hold of those spare keys.
i know uve broken a few promises here and there & to tell u the truth yeah i was very disappointed but i trust u, that u wont do it again .
& i swear i nvr felt like that on that very night when it all happen.
u are like a sister but closer than that , a bestfriend which ive never had.
so if anything or any fucking person dare do any shit to u, i swear i ll give that person hell and not let him go so easily. trust me i would do something to him & maybe that girl.
im glad u saw that deep inside i really care about u.
whatever it is i love u na.
belly belly much .

& pay day i swear im gonna bring u to buffet so u can grow fat and normal like u used to be.

oh yeah ure gonna see me one day without that ciggie stick.
just fish no ciggie or ciggie smell otey (((:

2009-06-19T04:56:00.002+08:00

This is hell, this is hell
I am sorry to tell you
It never gets better or worse
But you get used to it after a spell
For heaven is hell in reverse

found this somewhere in someone s blog
me like it alot
(:

i didnt know i was so angry yesterday after i read back the post.
yeah , does sounds funny but i was going crazy yesterday.
but still i didnt gave up & almost completing most of the assignments . triple joy .

havent been getting a proper sleep for days & days.
but maybe its worth it ?

i went to buy food just now , 4 hours ago to be exact
& a crazy guy followed me.
scary mary but he disappeared after that.
phew...

now i dont know why this whole thing is in italic
it was meant for the first paragraph only
but heck who cares.

now i miss gundus alot lot.
& yas where u ?
gone with the wind or the hills ?

but im broke ):
so bye

ps ; guys to me are now just flings nothing more -
just casual but never know

2009-06-17T01:24:00.003+08:00

YESSA NOW S THE TIME WHEN I CAN GO FUCKING NUTS
LIKE FUCKING FUCKER
ALL MY FUCKING SHIT FUCK ASSIGNMENTS YANG SIAL DARI PUKI PEH CIKGU SUME DA GONE MCM BABI
PUKIMAK SIAL PEH ANJING
PUKI AKU TAK TIDO BUAT MCM ANJING
MCM SIAL ABE SUME PUKIMAK UH HILANG SIAL

CIBAI
THEN SUME ORANG PADA AKU PUN CIBAI
ANJING. SUME ANJING
SUME MCM PUKIMAK DIER PEH LAKI PEH SIAL CIBAI

PUKI TUL
AKU BOLE JADI GILA SIAL GINI

SUMPAH AKU DA GILA SEKRANG
MCM SIAL KAN
AKU MCM SIAL
KAU MCM SIAL
SUME MCM SIAL
SUME MCM CIBAI
PRANGAI ANJING BABI
SUME MCM PUKIMAK HARAM SUME BENDE

SIAL SIAL ANJING UH CIBAI
PUKI GERAM SIAL AKU
AKU PEH BODOH PEH BENGAP PEH SIAL
OKAY SEKARANG AKU BOLE LUPAKAN EH NAK MCM PAHAM BELAJAR UNTUK EXAM SIAL
NANTI JADI MCM BUDAK BODOH LAGI
AKU PEH GROUP PUN SUME BOLE PEGI MATI
AKU TK KESAH AKU DA BUAT SUME TAKDE
SO PEGI MAMPUS UH

KAU PUN PEGI MAMPUS SUME PEGI MAMPUS
THEN KENE BAKAR
BEST AKU SUKE SEKALI

OKAY BYE SUME SIALANS CIBAI

OH UH NI SIAL PEH SUNDAL BESAR BEBUAL.

2009-06-15T06:35:00.002+08:00

time 6:37am
& im still up doing my freakin assignmentS . fuck-a-rooni macaroni.
ok bye i need to shut up and just do whatever i can.
shit, now im hungry.
okay at 7am then i will stop and cook maggi, AGAIN.

2009-06-13T03:30:00.004+08:00

im sorry mama .
im sorry aba.
im sorry abang.

u tried to bring back the family together by going out & be happy.
but u noe that wont happen.
like it rarely had.
it will always end of in a bad note.
thats just how the way things work.
i couldnt make it next sunday cause im working.

i dont wanna include myself anymore in any of the family outing.

havent talk to my brother for like what ? since the day. yes that day.
we share the same room.
we are/used to be so close.
well im the one who destroy it.
i dont blame anyone. i dont blame u.
i just blame myself.
my friend told me to be optimistic, but how ?
my mind is like fucking messed up. very.
one day im feeling so fucking happy
& next thing u noe im so fucking sad and shitty.

"nah its ok . i know someday u'll change"
u believe so much in me
but in the end i shit back on u everytime.
like what u say " berakkan aku lagi"
i think i will always be the black sheep in the family.
always have , always will.

somedays i really dont feel like not going back home.
no not to show im rebellious
but because i dont know how to face all of u. i dont even noe if i belong there.
im too ashamed. feel like putting a my face in the dustbin.
i think i really need sometime on my own
to think straight but i dont think i can.

now i get emotional by the slightest thing.
do it first then cry. thats how things work for me.
nan xin thought i was a strong person.
but when she saw me breakdown that time, she knew it gotta be something big.
i didnt say a thing.

i need someone right now real bad.
but i dont want to tell anyone.
i just want someone.

contumacious ; recalcitrant

...thats me

p/s: 160809;- i hope that day wont come & wont live for it.

bye im a messed up kid

.....with no brains.

i will be happy kid tomorrow i think

to rohana:

take a step back, look what u re doing. think whats best for u.
but i swear i ll always be right here if anything happens.
i know im in no position to say anything.
but........ stand up for yourself abit, just abit.
remember those words, u said that to me.
its because of those words im still here.

love u na :)

:( :( :( :( :(( :(( :'(

2009-06-08T01:16:00.005+08:00

i was actually tryna make my eyes bigga

the "hole" face

show off my teeth cause use my new toothpaste

my mouth itchy la

okay thats called small plus dark circles

mata suda steam

take 2

time check 1:16am
what im doing ; still doing my BINSAN report
so i decided to destress by taking pics and see how i look like after a shag(y) day
okay i now im stress cause tmr i dont have shoes to go work at vivo . mcm cb.
bye uh. i need to reusme doing my formal report.

2009-06-07T23:26:00.002+08:00

Just try to save me
There's nothing you can change
There's no explaining
And no one to blame

damn i wasted $7.30 on cab fare just now
supposed to work at 10 am but i woke up at 10.30am
baik kan fish.
haha.

so far i have bought 2 tops, one bottom a bangle and a boxer but more like panties. pfffttt .

in 2 days almost half my pay gone.
cb tul.
now i really have to save up !

god i really have to start studying
lets try to keep track
2 formal reports - BINSAN & Envista
3 datasheets - PI , Mat Sci & PMA
4 case studies - Envista, Mat Sci , PMA& polymer science
the best part about it ? all are due on 29th june
okay add my mid exam to that which starts on 29th june .
like cb study assignments and work.

bye dont bother me.

2009-06-06T15:10:00.003+08:00

hello my name is hana. i only have 2 important things in my life. rohana & my family. i love them very very much . i know they know that.

hello my name is fish i only have 2 important things in my life. rohana & my family. i love them very very much. i know they know that. but i think they thought those are just words. i dont blame them.

hello my name is hana. i will not waste away my life. i will not give up cause there are so many people there for me hello my name is fish im wasting my life away. i feel like giving up cause im a fucking selfish person. cause i cant take it anymore.

hello my name is hana i know i can change by 160809
hello my name is fish i think i can change by 160809

2009-06-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

ish siak uh kau da kenape sia sume bende nak tolak dgn aku
aku tau lah aku buat banyak salah.
aku tau la aku ni anak derhaka da buat byk salah.
but please give me a break for once uh.
kau nak aku change kan
how i wish u noe the whole situation im going thru
fuck it.
u dont give a fucking damn

aku tak minum air dari tadi aleh2 kau nak mengamuk asal aku tak tau nak letak kat sink abe cuci then salahkan aku uh tu bende cibai tumpah kene radio then nak mengamuk tak tentu pasal without getting ur fucking facts right.
okay aku tau aku ni sape.
aku jarang tau pekik then bila aku melenting siket je kau da nak cakap aku biadab
bila anak kesayangan kau mara mengamuk macam nak ape kau macam let it go.

abeh kenape eh kau nak bising bising kat aku.
i know ive did a lot of fucking wrong things
maybe this is how i should pay for it.
kau tau duduk rumah aku naik bingit tau gini hari hari
aku tau k kau penat but takya nak buang sume taik kat aku pe.

uve always said i dont love u
because i dont think when i did those fucking stuffs.
maybe my brain wasnt working

i dont expect u to understand me every fucking times on every fucking things
i dont know what to say

i dont really express what i feel really well
i dont really say what i feel
how im feeling
u should fucking noe it uh.
okay maybe u dont , i assume too much
just give me time but u said its too long
people dont just change overnight
its so cliche but soo true.

im fucking crying i dont know why
like cibai.
fucking cibai plus sial sundal.
i curse alot so what
im human i need to express what i say
there s not limitation
ure my only escape.
u ll never run away.

now im a fucking angry kid.
so tired, sleepy shagged confused lost.

ok bye i still need to do my fucking experiment datasshit !

fuck off & just die thats better.

ugh.

2009-06-04T00:51:00.002+08:00

2009-06-04T00:42:00.003+08:00

give a man a fish
& he'll live for a day
teach a man how to fish
& he'll live for a lifetime
-get inspired

9 + 7 = 16 august 09
it can be either my happiest or suckiest birthday gift,
so fuck it.

u said dont try , do it.

when im doing something its nothing,
when im not doing anything its something.

sorry if you dont understand this bullshit
you never have to and dont have to.

words are bullshit
actions speak louder
promises are meant to be broken

2009-06-01T22:05:00.002+08:00

fishy says:
like do u have to fall before being able to pick urself up ?

Yan Hugo says:
yes?
as in?
fall in wat situation?

fishy says:
like for example u just dont know what to do when ur having probs
ur at ur wits end and no one res for u and u keep doing stupid thing
so like do we have to wait till we fall before being able to pick ourseld up ?

Yan Hugo says:
yes dat is partially true..
because onlie wen we fall..
we realise wat he hav done..
and from there we learn nt to do the same ting again...

fishy says:
but if we fall real hard and might not be able to pick ourself up from there ?

Yan Hugo says:
nahh..
i dont believe dat...
if u r nt able to pick urself up den why live on earth...
there is no point living there..
bcoz u are going to sad and in misery all the wae....
this is life..
there are ups and downs...
it cant alwaes be up je...
a person will reach his peak one dae..
and one dae will fall..

fishy says:
thank u arfian i really need that =)

but still i dont wanna see u fall and start picking up those pieces.
im scared that u might just give it all up.

smile cause im always here & i wont be like the others who just pretend to care and what not shits.
and im never gonna let u fall apart just like that cause i dont want to.
i know its selfish but for the better ((=

2009-05-28T23:47:00.003+08:00

when the going gets tough
just stare at it,
& when ure tired, just sleep.

when u wake up the next morning,
feeling worse
regret & just cry your heart out

hoping a miracle would happen which does not exist
repeat the whole process again

thought it was a therapy.
ive been there done that & doesnt work.

and now im trying eating.

2009-05-28T17:27:00.003+08:00

read betwenen the lines
& then tell me what u see..
u ll get it someday .

boo hoo now im in store doing my damn assignments.
and rohana a dot is clearing th water. sigh ~

now im like having damn mood swings.
no im not having pms thingy.
dont know why
im tired of school
im tired of doing assignments.
im tired of her antics. fuck it.
im tired of waking up early.
im tired of being blank suddenly.
im tired of her giving the 'ure so dumb , dont u get it' look plus tone.
im tired of thinking.

anyway now theres and R & F added to the chip and dale family.
woo hoo.

2009-05-27T13:49:00.002+08:00

now i miss my old class -.-
cause i dont like this friend. ok ni prangai like budak kecik but seriously uh !
she just keep whining and tak adat sia seriously.
cannot take it till wanna smack her face.

i havent had my precious sleep since yesterday
and a proper sleep since dont know when . sigh ~
have to work some more. knn . cb cb .
now im like grumpy humpty dumpty.

bye i seriously gotta study.

2009-05-22T15:09:00.002+08:00

school is getting more mundane.
glad that holidays are coming in 2 more weeks
woo hooo ~ then bole go jogging . sigh
i wanna go places where ive never been before in singapore uh.
hehehehe.

now i know how hard it is to find jobs these days
my brother have applied 15 application as a technician in various companies
he just finished applying the post for a prison officer.
now he s going out to look for a part time job.
i really hopes he gets a job soon.

na im sorry for being a useless friend.
i just kept my mouth shut the whole time
stare and nod. i am listening.
im just scared that i will make u feel worser.
so i thought keeping silent was the bestest way.
i see u re like so fragile nowbut u wont show.
u have to let go of your feelings before u can move on k.
whatever it is please be strong dont think to much please.
love u na ((:

2009-05-19T21:35:00.003+08:00

i feel nauseous.
i forced myself to throw up but i just cant.

i know he s not just a past which u can let go
but u have too
u thought he might be the best but u never noe that there might be better
hang in there cause i know ure strong
dont let urself fall because of a fucking guy.
to me this is not a case of karma its revenge
sorry but im not trying to make him look like the bad guy
if its karma it should happen on its own but he did it.
and dont worry about the chip necklace cause im gonna get a new one for u.
u noe u could always count on me right.
like what i said in the yellow letter,
i ll always be like the stink on ur feet, always there ((=
u dont need a man for now aite.
and dont die before 21 )):

2009-05-17T20:47:00.000+08:00

oh no my throat is being a bitch right now.
it was not so bad a while ago.
i think i made it worse by drinking coke -,-

now im still in store, trying to finish up my report . what else.
i want to pee uh but too lazy to walk to the toilet. sigh ~
i just dyed my hair red, medium auburn to be exact but its oso not visible
thats the thing about DIY.
purely based on luck .
im so gonna buy a shade lighter (=

kit said u were naive = innocent + gullible
i agree to the gullible part
but innocent, i ll have to think twice after what uve done.
i still cant believe ure that kind of person.
dont ever judge a book by its cover
so cliche yet so true huh .

hurray to me for finishing the report which i have to redo back.
datasheet mostly done

i think im in need of chamomile tea badly.

giess what, i seriously thought it was a saturday today
righthhhtttttt, how dumb can i be.

i notice the part of me deteriorating ever since,
shit. look at the mess ive got myself into.
but i dont regret.

2009-05-17T12:50:00.002+08:00

11 more minutes and my break is up
sigh ~

know what suddenly i thought of travelling with my friends sia.
but can wait long long uh like that.
i think when i turn 18 or 21 can ?
jom uh na lets go to KL together.
and then go to PARIS if we become rich -,-

ayuni now like grumpy cause she want smack miley cyrus to shut her up
said she sound like 60 year old.
and wei feng sad cause his void high.
said because makcik very fickle minded . sigh ~
and jr my new store manager is not as bad as what i think .
just that he like to check blinspot . hahahahaha.

work is not as fun as it used to be
but gotta live with it uh.
duit nye pasal. kukuku
i miss herman and old bigplash family ):

2009-05-16T19:34:00.005+08:00

five years of friendship and still going strong (((=

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when their right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust noone but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"- Marilyn Monroe

This words carry a whole lot of meaning. Seriously.
Not trying to philophical uh but it really make me think.

So today i just stayed home the whole day to redo the freaking report that MR KOK fucking rejected just by looking at the no. of pages and not the content.
Left with 2 more reports, 3 more datasheets and 2 more tutorial oh ya + a case study ),:

yay im proud that i didnt spend my money unnecessarily so far.
but i ve been wasting it on gums , chewing gums.
ive been chewing on gums lately, lots of em.
luckily it for healthier teeth also (=

ive been clean so far.
really really happpyy goooberssss.

na, dont take what i said just now to heart k

cause i know that ure kinda angry & upset over what i said.kakak's 25th birthday

i miss my family. my happy family.
very much.
i miss those times we went to haig rd or beach rd for out late dinner.
i havent had a proper conversation with my mum since dont know when.
when did we ever last had a proper meal or even a happy chillax moment as a family

Prom night with gundus

and dear gundus i really miss all of u .
i think its been like almost 2 years since we all met together ?
but have to stop living the past and move on with tertiary friend which are like LOL -,-
voice sounds like her . serious uh ! and she like to say LOL not like l-o-l but as a word lLOL !
and they call me "jason mraz" -____________-and meet my new friend murni which they all usually call "ella"
cause her
dont ask me why la.

2009-05-16T02:11:00.000+08:00

look at yas "abang abang pose"

i know dont ask why i decided to start a blog. hehe .

fish completed the quiz "In your circle of friends, who are you?" with the result The Underappreciated Bestfriend.

You try to keep everyone happy, and sometimes at your expense. You foot the bill when you're all out to celebrate, just so everyone can have a good time and not worry about money. You'd do anything for your friends, even though they forget to thank you or don't show you the appreciation you deserve. Although it's nice that you're being everyone's rainbow, think about yourself, too. No one will think you're a bad friend if you say no to some of their requests..

sad eh but quite true also. sigh ~

if you guys know me long enough, i was once a really hot tempered fish.
people would hate me when that side of me appears but im glad everything s change now.
but i feel that it is coming back.

i know if i let most things out here, friends will turn into enemy
and close friends will become distant so i guess just let it rest (=

im turning into a monster now.
i keep on eaing and eating and eating.
later my tummy boncet how like benjamin button how ?